Monday, August 4, 2008

Sweetly Broken

Yesterday at a fabulous church service, we sang "Sweetly Broken" by Jeremy Riddle. For those that know me, you know I love me some church music! Ranging from good ol' Southern Gospel hymns, to the latest and greatest in Christian music, just anything that gets the spirit moving! I was so taken back by this song yesterday, it was one that 'hit home' like so many do. I realize over the past year, at different times, I've felt so broken, unfixable, unreachable and unlovable. Yet thankfully I serve a God that has restored, redeemed and loved me like none other could've done. I never would've wanted to title myself "broken" if! I thought I was strong enough to conquer it all without being broken. Nope, not gonna get me. The only thing broken on me that could cause damage would be a heel on one of my fabulous recently purchased shoes..and that has happened and it's tragic (R.I.P Red pumps Fall Line of 07'). However, yesterday while worshipping and singing this song, it came to me, as if a gentle voice said "yes my dear you are broken, but not harshly,not viciously and not thrown to the wolves, you were and are sweetly broken." That makes all the difference in the world! That one word~sweetly! What an honor it is, I must say to be broken (now that I'm willing to admit it)! I have a best friend who says all the time (and she knows who she is) "Jen, you're not broken, you're bruised" she is so right in so many ways, but yesterday I wanted to dial her digits right there in church and tell her "But Bud I AM BROKEN and its awesome!" I know without a doubt, she'd 'get' what I was telling her, I, nor her, had ever looked at it this way! Yet, just as the song says 'he beckoned me at the cross, drew me to my knees and I am sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.' And what a priceless gift to have! I am thankful that I have been broken, its caused me to be living an out of control life, surrendered to him, not me and not my control.
Although heart wrenching, I am blessed to be talking to so many girls in similar situations and, try as I might to lift them up. It's humbling because it SHOWS me how much I’ve healed, it is AWESOME to say things to them and WHOLE HEARTEDLY mean them and tell them it WILL be okay and to share mistakes I made along the way. I look back at my prayer jounral in absolute awe! I see how broken I was/am and how beautifully and graciously He has restored me! With that said, I told one girl I wouldn’t trade a single tear, heartbreak, devastating day, loss of a life I knew, for the relationship I have now with Jesus. It's like the old, true southern gospel song "Wouldn't Trade Nothing For my Journey Now." And I wouldn't and I mean that. It's a privilege to have been broken and have experienced the peace that surpasses all understanding, the uncondtional love that abounds, and the grace He has given me.
Psalm 34:18~"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit"
He is so near and so saves and does it oh so sweetly....


Katie said...

I am so encouraged by you and your journey! I love ya "bud"!! If you haven't already, go to itunes and check out Leeland. I think you will like them!

HappyascanB said...

I love this! We all are sweetly broken. While running last night, I heard a song for the first time that I can't remember the exact words to, but it was something about asking God to empty the ME in me and fill me with HIM. It's like asking God to break us so He can build us into what He wants us to be. You are beautiful, Jen, inside and out! Keep your chin up always!!