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Monday, July 13, 2009

My Trip to REI

So, with the upcoming Colorado trip closely in sight, I felt I definitely needed some new "duds" specifically for this trip. Since my summer closet is 90% made up of summer dresses or skirts, which I have been told are "not appropriate" for the Colorado trip that will include hiking, rafting and Red Rocks, I did what I do best-----I went shopping!!!

So off I went at lunch today to REI, what I felt was the 'coolest' place to get CO clothing. At first it seems so bland. I have been there before, but its always so "blah" to me. It seriously needs some pizzazz. But I'm sure they leave out the pizzazz and fun colors and music to keep "divas" like me out of their "outdoor" store. I head straight to the shoes, a boy that looks to be about 14 and a "little guy" gets my sizes in the Chacos. Understand, these were a "must have" I decided before even trying them on. I put them on and immediately felt like Mary Magdalene, really I felt like they were Jesus shoes except they were a feminine color, therefore, I called them Mary Magdalene shoes. I see these on all my friends and sometimes I think they look um......lets say....... silly (for lack of a better word) on them, but they are "cool" so that overlooks silly, right? They are the most comfortable shoes I have tried on to hike/raft in, so my 1995 Tevas are out and the Chacos are in! None were purchased as REI thinks more of theirs than zappos.com but they are coming! SOLD!

Then, I head directly to clothing, but since everything is so BLAH, I found myself having hard time differentiating the women's and men's sections. I found ONE pink jacket hanging on the wall enticing me over to the "womens" section. I grab it, love it, its but of course and XS. Little did I know at that point that probably only XS people, like the itty bitty shoe boy that shop there. However, I move on quickly find sale after sale, rack after rack of name brand clothing. Of course I stick to The North Face & Patagonia, I mean if I'm going to do this I am going to do this, right?!? I even kept myself away from some Patagonia DRESSES! However, they too were "blah" and if I'm going to wear a dress in CO, which is possible, I am thinking more "bold" than the dreaded colors they were carrying. Nonetheless, I was still uber proud of myself for by-passing the dresses!! I keep going.....

By the time I hit the dressing room my arms were so full I dropped clothing! I was thinking how much I was going to spend and how I'd just have it all done in one - stop shopping a-n-d it all was on sale!!! As I entered the dressing room in the "shopping high" we all get, I try on the first pair of clothing, um.....ARE THESE MEN'S??!?! I mean hike if you want to ladies, but seriously must we look like men while we do this?? Needless to say, first pair shorts-goner. Next pai...., North Face khackis, I almost bought them online at rei.com before going shopping because I though they'd be perfect just like my NF jacket I already owned & loved......hmmmm.... well once these shorts were on, another story. 4 sizes bigger than what I wear they may be perfect, thank goodness there was no online ordering! I went up one size thinking "oh they must run small" SMALL MY HINEY, those suckers were hugging my "fluffy" hiney, like those folks in REI hug the trees. Okay, sooo North Face runs a little small. I figure this is the outdoorsy peoples "higher end brand" I compare them to Bebe, BCBG as they are always so small, so no biggie. I was hurt by The North Face people and their terms of a size of a "12" but I move on. Ahhhh yes, oh yes a pair of khacki pant capris. Well, Patagonia must be on a runway somewhere with The North Face because I have never seen that small of a size with double digits on the inside.

At this point I have convinced myself I'm too fat to go to Colorado. I won't even be able to hike a trail, I'm just fat. No thoughts that I play tennis, hike Kennesaw Mountain, I can't do it in Colorado, I'm going to have to call James at work, shed a tear and tell him I'm just simply too fat to go to Colorado. And also that I should've never eaten fried rice at the sushi place for lunch right before shopping. I am ready to google on my i phone "how much weight can I lose in 2 weeks?" However, I keep trucking and will google that after I get out of the ridiculous treehouse-like dressing room. I keep going and I get a pair on that fits............. but UGLY! I mean who wears this!? All I could think of at that point was me posed on a hike just perfectly, with a cascading snow capped mountains behind me and James next to me, and realizing I would get no "cute" comments on facebook IN THOSE PANTS. Ughhh...

I did find a pair of shorts I'd never spend $25, much less the $45 I DID spend on them, but just because they were "what I am to wear." And it made me feel better that I kept on my black pumps when I tried them on. Seriously the things pumps do for our legs..........

So, I emerge from the dressing room, grabbing all my clothes that didn't work off their tree stump bench and there I see.... one pair of pink "something" hiding on a bland rack. It was pink Columbia capris, of course they came home with me too. I swear they were screaming "save me from the neutrals!!!" I also had a good buy on a North Face light jacket and a pink NF shirt. I guess NF expects their "granola girls" to have large 'tops" as their tops run right on size?? No no, I quickly realize its because I would wear it more fitted than the granola girls would :)

Soooo, I take my 4 items to the checkout place and spend my total of insaneness on my new "Colorado Clothing" that you may not ever see me again in. As she rings up the total, I immediately start thinking of what kind of party I can "host" to wear these again? How cute could I make Earth Day 10'? That thought didn't last long. I pay and exit with my REI bag (of course made from recycled something) and march my cute v-neck dress, black pumps, Versace Sunglasses self out of their "forest" and hop in my BMW back to civilization.


The Granola Princess

3 comments:

HappyascanB said...

Hands down, this is your funniest post yet! You are hysterical! I definitely feel like I was with you on your granola shopping trip! I'm sure you'll be the cutest tourist in CO, with all your NF pink gear!!! Love it!!! And I promise to comment on how cute you look when I view said FB pics post-CO!

Shannon said...

Hysterical!

lesley foster said...

my feelings exactly - i mean i guess you are just supposed to pay attention to the scenery around you - girl, you and i like to BE the scenery! you and james are gonna have so much fun & i am sure you will be cute as always!!