Tuesday, September 28, 2010

It's not easy bein' tall

Okay buds, brace yourselves, I have some sad news today. I have had the hardest time lately, I have had a huge fear that has been consuming me and thus, it is time to confess. Here goes..... (and, I have it all figured out)...I am going to die young because of one simple thing~.......because I am tall.(major sigh). Something I can't control. Terrible. I finally had the guts to prepare Jimmy for this, over a delicious "date night" dinner last weekend and now, I am publically telling you all.(I know, I can feel your devastation through the computer screen.)
This fear goes back to a few months ago, when I started noticing these cute "lol's" (little ol' ladies, not laugh out loud) having lunch together,sipping on their tea, talking about their grandkids and the weather. I saw group, after group, l.o.l after l.o.l, and low and behold, A-L-L of these ladies were short! They're spunky, and cute and even the ones in their 90's were adorable. They may be a little slow on the feet and maybe in their mind, but overall they are pretty darn "with it" I would go to this lunch establishment and know the ladies would be there and week after week, wait for the "tall one" to show up. (You know, there is one of us in every group.) And yet week after week,she's still not showing. Hmmm... I notice a trend, I see this at church, at luncheons, out shopping and event after event, there is never a one in the bunch over 5'5"! What the heck?!? So I then decided, their sweet "tall friends" had already 'gone home' and not to their cute little bungalow off the square where they have lived for 50+yrs, but ya know... "home, home."
I focus on this and realize how awful it is being tall. Even the tallest Golden Girl is gone! I don't want to hear another bud tell me they have to have something "hemmed." If they mention it, I will enlighten them, with a tear in my eye and in the most pitiful way, say that they get to wear their pants longer because they are short. If they can't see in a crowd, they will be in more crowds than us, because they will have more events to go to (tear).

So, back to telling Jimmy. I finally braced myself to tell him this (again, over a great date night meal) Now, mind you, Jimmy never knows what is about to come out of my mouth or mind, but bless him, he handles it usually well. I wanted to break down in tears right then.(dramatic,okay, not really) But I did try my best to prepare him for what is to come. Even though I feared he would be irritated I didn't make my discovery until AFTER he proposed. Soooo here this "telling" time, I sit up straight in my chair, have a long sip of wine, take some deep breaths before I begin to tell him "the something I have to tell him." He pauses. He is intrigued. He knows this is serious business. He places his fork down, I then proceed to tell him the latest.. I'm expecting him to be as upset as I have become, and I thought he did. He almost spit out his 'beloved' seared tuna. I thought "oh my gosh, this is going to hit him so hard he can't even stand to eat." He continued to patiently listen to my rant and my "research" and was left... speechless. He did not seem to take the matter-at-hand seriously. He then tried to tell me, that I will in fact..... shrink. Is he serious?!? I tell him, I highly doubt I am going to shrink the 4-5 inches needed be in the "little old ladies club." He goes on and brings his precious, 5'1, sweet 86 year old grandmother, "Beek" into it. He says she was once 6'5" and a center for the Marietta High School basketball team. "Oh really" I say, with the most sarcastic voice I can manage to muster up. I see now, he is not a bit worried he is going to be burying me early! Why he'll will have "pick of the litter" with all the cute,short friends I have! With the model world, wanting ladies 5'8'' or taller, I don't have to worry they'll be professional models, because Tyra, Heidi, Giselle will be with the ground!
I am devastated just having to tell him about my revelation, and low and behold, he seems to think I am "jumping the gun" since we haven't even had children yet and do not need to be worrying about my admittance into the "little ol' ladies society!" (mind you..sorority>junior league>l.o.l. club)So not only do I have I had to buy search and buy pants in a "long" my entire life, now but I have to face the reality that my days are limited. (sigh). I simply, will have to start my own chapter of the 5'6" and taller Red Hat Society club. Come to think of it I should probably start it in the next few years so we ladies can maximize our time together.


HappyascanB said...

You are TOO MUCH!!!

Gormangirl said...

I will think of my beloved sister when sipping my tea- because goodness knows my 5'2 self will be around a long time! Oh wait, I bet I won't have my memory by then... hmmm maybe I'll have a good framed picture to remind me that you once were familiar to me.

Erin Stuntz said...

You are such a mess! Can you make an exception for your club and allow a barely 5'4" girl in? She knows she's going to die young because she already has an achy old lady body at the age of 28.....

God love Jimmy. Bless his heart. He is a good man for listening to you and your cray-crayness.

The Robyn's Nest said...

I CANNOT stop laughing at this!!!!!!!!!!!!! man, if jimmy's right and we do shrink, i'm gonna be so short!! you crack me up!!!